Your  Pearls of Wisdom !…

 

 

 

Wind
and frost on top of long winter nights makes for the perfect reason
to stay indoors, fact is we don’t even want to go out when the
weather is that bad. So rather than battle the elements we chuck
another log on the fire and cuddle up with a good book.
My
son aged two, was not then at nursery school, so except for an
occasional grocery run to the corner shop we just didn’t go out.

 

It
wasn’t until the good weather came and it was time to get back out there,
I realised I had a bit of a bit of a problem.
Walking
to the post box or messing around in the garden was fine, but going
on even a small journey made me feel extremely nervous, anxious and
vulnerable, stupid I know, but not having felt this way about something
as simple as going out, only made me feel worse. Although going out
seemed to be the root of the problem, the fear of having to deal with
people whether I knew them of not, some how played its part in the problem.
The more I thought about it the more convinced I became, that all could
sense my unease, and hear the tremor in my voice. But what scared me
the most was that I didn’t really know what was happening to me.

 


I did acutely think at one point the men in white coats would be coming
to take me away, and that made me realise that if I didn’t sort myself
out, that’s exactly what would happen. I began by going out walking
in and around the local forest, stopping every so often to ask myself
how I felt, and to praise my every step. Walking around saying “this
isn’t so bad what’s so difficult about this” seemed to somehow
make me feel better and having my son along helped a lot, soon we were
collecting things chucking leaves about, played hide and seek. Only
when I was out there could I see that there was nothing to fear, and
the sad bad feelings were only in my head. Now whatever the weather
I make certain that I get out as often as I can.

 

 

 

 

Giving
and Receiving !…

 

For
some of us, receiving is harder than giving. We’ve no trouble giving
insight, giving hope, giving courage, giving advice, giving support,
giving money, even giving ourselves. No, our greatest challenge is
to become gracious receivers. By receiving, we acknowledge our need
of others and that’s hard on our ego. We also reveal to the giver
that they have something worth giving; we add value to their lives.
Often it’s only in the eyes of the receiver that the giver discovers
his worth.

 

When
somebody gives us a watch but we never wear it, is that watch really
received? When they offer us an idea and we don’t at least consider
it, is that idea even appreciated? When they introduce us to a friend,
but we ignore them, is that friend truly accepted?

 

Receiving
is an art. It allows others to become part of our lives; even to become
dependent on them in certain areas. It requires the grace to say “I
need you; without you, I wouldn’t be who I am”. Receiving from
the heart requires love and humility. Too many people are wounded
and never reach out again, because their gifts weren’t valued. So
today, let’s try to be good givers and receivers!

 

 

 

 

Does
it ever get any easier: Yes it does.

 

The
real answer to this question is not a simple one, I do not have all
the answers nor do I have a magic wand. (Wish I had though), but as
a single parent for 13 years I can tell you this. If you wait for
things to get better and do nothing its not going to happen. If you
sit in your home waiting for Mrs. or Mr. Knight in shinning armor
to appear, it can happen, but chances are it won’t happen. In short
if you’re sitting in a room doing nothing chances are that nothing
will change, improve or get better. (You must plan for your future)
search your heart, soul and mind for a master plan, and the courage
to see it through.

 

Time
is a great healer and pain does subside, but you must try to use your
time wisely. You have to adjust your train of thought and see a disadvantage
as a new opportunity and turn it to your advantage. (Today is the
first day of the rest of your life).

You have to find the strength not to forget but to move on, stand
up and fight to offer your children the best that love can provide.
(And you can do it)

 

The
best way to feel better if you’re not working, and spending too much
time alone. Is by way of achievement, this can be anything from learning
a second language, kick boxing, ball room dancing, math’s or a computing
certificate. But don’t stop there consider doing a degree at university.
You now have the opportunity to start again, and build a new life
for yourself.

 

There
is an old saying that says ” an idle mind is the devils tool”,
and in our case it is true. Don’t dwell in the past beating yourself
up over what you should have or should not of done. Your mind will
work overtime trying to figure out why and, for what reason you are
now in this predicament. Give you mind something else to think about,
and all the while you are in a leaning environment you will be making
new friends, and keeping alive our basic survival skills, like for
example, your ability to communicate, smile and prosper.

 

I
know it sounds like I’m doing a hard sell on the importance of education,
but there’s a lot more to it than simply gaining a qualification.
You also boost your confidence and self respect, but above all it
will make you smile

 

 

 

 

A
lone-parent can easily become a very alone-person

 

It’s
a slow process but it does happen to lots of people, not by choice but
by simply being a victim of circumstance.

The majority of lone-parents receive income support which offers, even
after careful budgeting little if any money to spend on themselves.

First,
They reduce their nights out, but many people soon stop going out altogether.
Second, Our friends seem not come round
as often as they used to, especially if they are working. Third,
You may not be buying yourself as many nice new clothes as you would
perhaps like, leading towards a feeling that you’re not quite looking
your best.

 

All
of these things do have a knock on effect and pretty soon you don’t
mind not looking your best, since you no longer think about going out, and even if you would quite like to go out, who would you go with.

 

Then
without you even realising it, your social skills start to get rusty,
and adult conversation become a bit of a novelty rather than an every
day occurrence.

 

These
things do happen but not overnight, which gives you the time to act
now and stop the rot, but unless you keep a check on things it will
happen.

 


Force yourself to have a night out with adults
as often as possible, even if it’s only a few drinks at your local pub
every two weeks. If you can’t find a friend to go with join a club to
do line or ball room dancing. Try to get socially active as much as
you possibly can.

 

If
you can’t face a social gathering your social skills are in desperate
need of attention,

 


Start by (for example) taking the kids to the
park maybe organise a picnic, then invite your child to invite a few
friends, then maybe in time invite a friends mum. Then maybe arrange
some coffee mornings or a night out. I know that these things are easier
said than done, but you have to start somewhere, and this is at least
a start.

 

The
point here is to get out of the house as often as you can, only then
will you start to make new friends, after all. Who are you likely to
meet in your sitting room.

 

 

 

 

Home
support network !…

 

A
marriage or partnership offers something so basic it’s actually taken
for granted. Simply speaking it’s having someone to blow off steam and
talk through the day’s problems and achievements with, but it’s the
best stress buster that money cannot buy. It’s like having you very
own (in house) therapist, so believe it or not all that bitching and
moaning is actually really good for you, but is only healthy in moderation

 

If
your a single parent and don’t have anyone to bug at home about the
days events, phone a friend or get to a chat room. If none of these
are an option, you still must get the days events out of your system.
Start by keeping a diary, even if it’s only to say “My boss sucks”
it will work as a stress buster, and will in some way make you feel
better. Should this not have the desired effect, buy a punch bag, seriously.
It’s a guaranteed anger buster, especially if you strap a picture of
your boss or ex partner to it. If you don’t find an outlet for that
bottled anger it will only lead to stress overload.

 

 

 

 

Why
do people say !..

 

If
someone put a bucket of money in the middle of the room, and then said
.. “You can have it, it’s all yours, but only it if someone else
agrees”, would you resent the person who said, No!,? of course
you would.

 

So
why do people say to our kids that they will buy them (whatever) but
only if it’s OK with your mother (or father) This statement simply builds
up the child’s hopes and puts us in a very difficult position.

 


Of course the kid wants a new (whatever) but then
its up to mum (or dad) to turn into the good the bad or the ugly.

 

And
should you say no (for whatever reason) the child will of course be
very upset. The person offering to buy it however, remains forever the
good guy and fails to see the damage that they are doing to our parent
child relationship.

 

If
they really want what is best for the child, they should surely think
about consulting us first, and avoid the child’s disappointment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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